The Loneliest City in America

Perhaps it is the dim blue glow painting the room with the gloomiest of spectrums. Perhaps it is the fact that the blues band laying the soundtrack of my momment of introversion followed the origins of Rock & Roll with a No Diggity cover(No doubt). Perhaps it is the fact that I'm sitting at a table with friends who have nothing to say to eachother and would much rather clack away at their phones to talk to distant lonelier people not here. Perhaps it is the Charming New Zealand TV personality that just told me that LA is the lonliest city in America. Perhaps it is the fact that dispite being out, I would much rather sit here and clack notes into my phone, But LA definitely feels like the loneliest city in America.
Dripping from the red ropes that corall the cool and shun the tourists is the bitter irony that a city so fully populated with people all sharing the exact same "I moved here for my career" story, crammed into tiny inclusive lounge tables in small exclusive lounges, would be so distant, lonely, and disconnected from eachother.
I asked her why this was the loneliest city. She said because unlike the various other US cities she had recently been to, it was rare to be having a conversation with me because most everyone else is always dressed in a sort of I don't care about you attitude. I thought to myself that "I've got somewhere better to be" always goes quite well with my marc jacobs suit. Anyway, She suddenly froze for a split second before collecting herself as her eyes became studded with stars. She went on to explain in her own words how exhausting it can be for a woman to be constantly judged so instantly here. I turned to observe that the wave of self-conciousness had been lightly brushed onto her by the aloof gaze of the in-famous lauren conrad. I went on to explain to her and her husband that the exciting tour of the stars that is finding your self hob(s)nobbing with celebrities celebrating their own recognizability, quickly becomes a highschool lunch room with bottle service. Soon you realize that everyone else knows eachother and you're the new kid with a bad case of social plague that nobody wants to touch. They both laughed, but I never find it funny.
The other day someone brought up the fact that everyone in this town has a little dog because this town is so lonely. At the time I was too embarrassed to mention that I had a little dog. At the present, I wish he was here. I want the sight of my importance on his face and his dependance on my attention in his waggily tail to fill my glass to the brim. If he were here, each lick on my face would whisper into my ear that I matter. No one ever seems to remember me. If they do, they don't really care to make any sort of genuine effort. For all guys, I'm disregarded as being pretty much useless to them. For girls, I'm just as unimportant and clout-less. I have friends but everyone is so busy that making time for each other comes with great effort and planning. I can't go anywhere without girls, and girls can't get in if they bring me. Everyone is stuck in traffic alone in their car, angry at everyone else for contributing to their delay. Everyone knows "someone", that they don't really know as well as they'de like. Everyone famous is isolated and can't really trust the people around them. Everyone new, doesn't know anyone and doesn't understand why nobody is friendly. Everyone is surrounded by people to talk to but clacking away at their phones to lonelier people that aren't there. If a connection is made, it is intense, passionate, and brief. Every night the people that meet eachother firmly believe they just met their new best friend, only to later meet someone else or pretend that their unresponsive text messages doesn't really hurt. I joke about it, but I say that when meeting girls in LA I have to assume the worst because the market is over-saturated and they'll meet someone better tomorrow. I hate to be such a depressing winnie the pooh character, but they're playing the blues in blue mood lighting, I can't help myself. It's quite possible that I romanticize the nostalgia of the past and gaze wishfully into the future while wollowing in the half empty glass of the present, but I miss my friends back home and fantasize about making my film about lonely LA.

So here I sit. In a club surrounded by people. Alone. Clacking away at my phone. Listening to the blues.
An empty vessel with no passengers, in the loneliest city in America.

All aboard,

-MM