Mating and Dating in the Land of Hollys with Wood

Mating and dating is tough, but mating and dating in Hollywood is a completely different story.

The ripples of Seinfeld, Friends, Sex & the City, and Entourage have already shifted our culture into a self-obsessive perpetually-on-the-prowl-for-something-better gear. Now take the most attractive, most powerful, most notable, most self-obsessive of our society and lock them behind the red roped world that is Hollywood, West Hollywood, and Beverly Hills. Now make them feel like all their actions are public knowledge because the countless scavenging paparazzi are feeding the countless gossip columnists the fodder of famous folly. You will have concocted a potent potion that people are powerless to repulse. Side effects may include: anxiety, hunger, reduced appetite, attentive deficiency disorder, and an overall inability to hold a long-term relationship.

Like an ancient greek festival of the seasons, everything revolves around "Wood". The erect phallic representation of societal achievement embodied by the male constituents who have acrued the most wealth, power, fame, or combination of the three. Like a castle, Wood presides over his kingdom of caste with a supreme sense of self-entitlement. He spends his night at court, where the bottles of servitude flow at his disposal. Lands and titles are traded and negotiated over grey geese and wine. Court is kept busy with ladies-in-waiting, waiting for the dowry of promise to bestowe upon them lands and titles of their own.

Most of these ladies that adorn the halls of wood seem to go by the name "Holly". Holly is an actor, a model, a socialite, or a combination of the three. Either way, Holly is Hot. The hotter the better, the harder for Wood to handle, and the more likely that Wood will burn with passion. That is until completely consumed by Holly's Hotness until all that remains of Wood are the wasted coals of desperate desire. Holly loves Tiffany's or whatever other gifts Wood can expel.

Courtship is difficult in the land of Holly and Wood because of abundance. It is overpopulated by the extremely gorgeous, wealthy, and socially intelligent. Its citizens are physically overstimulated by the genetically endowed and the surgically perfected until they are barely stimulated at all. This overabundance leads to the pursuit of perfection which becomes the plight of its princes. This refined taste leaves the savoring of subtlety ever-present like the effervescent tickle of a freshly poured fine champaign.

Courtship is difficult because its players are well practiced in games of the heart. Partners are pawns in the well performed playing of heart strings. The music of seduction is amusing to the difficult to amuse. They dance to the rythm of finding someone new, as though spun by the DJ's of dissatisfying joy. Ex's and Ex-ex's are tallied on lists of accomplished conquerings like resume's for the ultimate blow job of gratification.

Courtship is difficult because nights at court are intoxicating. Fuzzy navels and red headed sluts blur into one kamikaze sexual escapade after another until they all blur into one vague one-night-standing ovation. Drunk with self-congratulatory personal achievements of brief temporary betrothal lead to stumbling into the beds of bedfellows that will soon sober to the lack of sufficiency.

Yet, despite the difficulties of courtship in the supreme court of appealing people, there are the rare jems of the archeological mating ritual that grant us completion. The cathartic orgasm that follows the foreplay of the elite is a mountainous erruption that makes all the build up worth while. The long perilous road to this volcanic anamoly is the reason for the nursery ryhme that tells tales of fairy god mothers, princes, and frogs. The happy ending where King marrys Queen is the true presider and decider, the oppulant church of the romantically faithful. It is the epic lord of the rings, and perhaps nothing more than a fairy tale, in a land full of Hollys with Wood.

The End

-MM